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This relief is only temporary though and is often followed by feelings of guilt and even shame. As the emotional pain is still present, the person may continue to rely on self-harming in an attempt to cope, continuing the cycle.

On this page, we will look further into self-harming, including why someone might self-harm, how to find support and how someone struggling can help themselves.

Why do people self-harm?

There are no clear cut answers as to why someone might hurt themselves as every individual is different. Many people who self-harm say it is a way for them to express something they can’t put into words. This may be emotional pain, loneliness or low self-esteem.

For some, there is a particular event or experience that triggers them to start hurting themselves. This could include:

For others, there seems to be no direct cause. If you self-harm but don’t know why, you are not alone and you can still reach out for support.

There may be certain situations or times that make self-harm more likely, for example after drinking alcohol or at night time. Every person experiences self-harm differently and one person’s reasons will be different to another person’s.  

Is it just attention seeking?

Some people might talk about self-harming being an ‘attention-seeking’ act. The truth is, many people keep their self-harming private and feel alienated and upset to hear people misunderstanding their behaviour in this way.

For some, there is an element of wanting, or needing attention. They may want people to see how upset they are and offer help. Either way, self-harming should never be brushed off in this way.

What self-harming can involve

The stereotypical image of someone who self-harms tends to involve cutting. While this is a common form of self-harm, it isn’t the only way people hurt themselves.

Self-harm covers any form of hurting yourself. This can include under or over-eating, overdosing/self-poisoning and even getting into fights when you know you’ll get hurt. In some cases, self-harm can be mental/emotional. This means purposefully doing things that you know will make you feel upset.

Who does it affect?

According to the Mental Health Foundation, the UK has the highest self-harm rate in all of Europe, with an estimated 400 in 100,000 people affected. The actual figures are likely to be higher as many people who self-harm keep it secret.

Self-harm doesn’t discriminate and can affect anybody, at any age. Reports show however that the majority are aged between 11 and 25. Social pressures, discrimination and stigma can all lead to high levels of stress, making it more likely for a person to self-harm.

Getting help for self-harming

Once you get into a cycle of self-harming, it can be difficult to stop. Getting professional support can help you make changes. There are different ways to go about getting help and for many, a combination of self-help techniques and professional support is key.

It is OK to feel nervous about asking for help. It takes a lot of bravery to speak up, but remember you are worthy of support and have the right to receive help.

When asking for help, try to be as honest as you can. It may be tempting to downplay the extent of your self-harming, but speaking honestly about the way you’re feeling is the best way to get the right support.

Getting help for self-harming

Counselling and psychotherapy have been shown to be very helpful for people who self-harm. Counselling offers you space and time to talk about your feelings in a safe, non-judgmental and confidential setting.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy are two talking therapies that are recommended for those who self-harm.


Recovering from self-harm is totally possible with the right support. This will involve you gaining a better understanding of why you self-harm, recognising your triggers and developing new ways of coping. You may experience relapses when you fall back into old habits, but don’t be discouraged by this if it happens. You are stronger than you know.

The longer you leave getting help, the harder it can be to stop self-harming. You are not alone in this and everyone deserves happiness. Remember that - and when you’re ready to find support, we are here.

Self-harm is when someone hurts themselves on purpose, usually as a way of coping with difficult emotions. It often begins when a person feels overwhelmed with upsetting thoughts and feelings. Harming themselves physically can feel like a release, almost giving them a sense of relief from the emotional pain they’re feeling.